pregnancy brain or trials of an insomniac

I have had one doozy of a week.
thank heavens it is almost friday
and friday is a half day for the kids at school
then i will lock my classroom door
and forget that this week ever happened

I forget what I am saying mid-sentence
I have lost my keys 100 times
(both personal and school sets)
I have lost my phone 500 times
one time I thought I lost it and spent 30 minutes looking for it...
I looked in the car, my purse, 2 desks, the filing cabinet, the kitchen drawers, EVERYWHERE!
only to realize I had tucked it into my bra strap

I had to send 2 kids to the office
for offenses
only there is no proof
so the office sends them back
and they glare at me the rest of the day
Administration is sick of me
(but I am sick of them)
so we are even

I graded a quiz
finished about 60
only to realize
i used the wrong answer key

it's the end of the quarter
so all the loser's who can't turn in their work on time are trying to sneak it in
I told one kid it was too late to turn in that assignment...it was due August 29
and then accepted the same assignment from another kid.
now I have to go back and tell kid #2 it was too late or take the first kids assignment.

I forget what I am about to say
I repeat what I have already said

I wandered around Macy's for 15 minutes
because I forgot I needed dish soap (aisle 12)
then I forgot I needed garlic powder (aisle 2)
then i remembered i needed sour cream (back by aisle 12)
then I remembered i needed cream cheese (by aisle 2)
and the worst part is: I HAD A SHOPPING LIST with me and it is broken down by departments! (the proof that I spend 1/3 of my life grocery shopping is that I know what the aisles are numbered...and it is THE ONLY thing i can remember right now)

I am in charge of ward baptisms next weekend and had to call a parent THREE times in a row
because I kept forgetting to ask what her son wanted.
Pretty sure she is nervous about me being in charge of the program now!

My work friends just laugh when I describe all my trials...
they say, "oh the joys of pregnancy brain"
I am worried that if "pregnancy brain" is the problem,
I will be a complete idiot and drooling into a cup by January.
Brad thinks it may have something to do with the fact i only get 3 hours of sleep a night.
I think I may be so scattered brained because I spend a great deal of my time thinking about how hungry I am. Only nothing sounds good...except for pumpkin pie shakes at mcdonalds. and then my friend Natalie brought me a PUMPKIN CRISPY CREAM DONUT! i litteraly died and went to pumpkin nirvana. I was glad she gave it to me and left my classroom, because i really moaned as I ate it.

The cafeteria fish sticks were the third BEST tasting thing I have eaten all week
and that alone scares me...seriously who LIKES cafeteria fish sticks...it grosses me out to even think about liking them. But I did.

I was in bed by 7:30 last night
I had drifted off to sleep
and my cell phone rang a little before 8pm
and I literally jumped up thinking it was time to wake up for the day

I almost wished it had been...
I would be that much closer to the weekend.

Is it weird?

Is it weird that I was in bed before 8, asleep before 9, awake at midnight, and STILL awake at 3AM?

Is it weird that the only way I can fall back asleep on nights like this is to write an asinine blog post?

Is it weird that I am eating green olives straight out of the jar at 3am?

Is it weird that all I want, right now, is a pumpkin pie shake from McDonald's?

Is it weird that, right now, I could literally spread pumpkin on a piece of toast and eat it?

Is it weird that my FIVE year old told me at dinner "not to clear her place, because she wasn't done eating, but had to go and check her game on the computer." Then when I tell her to finish eating, she pouts and immediately decides she is done...so she can check her game on the computer?

Is it weird that this same FIVE year old told the babysitter we are naming her new brother "Popsicle"?

Is it weird that Brinley's teacher sent home a note asking for parents to donate a bag of mini-marshmallows...only now I can't find the note. So I am worried I am sending Brinley with a bag of marshmallows and I may have dreamed the entire "note".

Is it weird that I needed to scald some milk for a bread recipe at work and accidentally set the microwave for 40 minutes instead of 4....and did not notice until a student said, "umm, Mrs. Smith, there is smoke coming out of your microwave"?

Is it weird that I then tried to salvage the plastic measuring cup. I soaked it overnight and yesterday tried to scape off the gunk...only to realize that I had scrapped the entire top off of the melted plastic?

Is it weird that I spent 35 minutes of my prep class playing spider solitaire instead of correcting papers? (ok it was really closer to an hour)

Is it weird I almost tried to talk Emily into a "less-than-modest" halloween costume...only because it would have saved me the trouble of having to sew one...before the ward party on Friday?

Is it weird that there are no boy receiving blankets at Wal-mart and I woke up in a PANIC thinking I would have to wrap my son in PINK blankies?

Is it weird that I taped a picture of my ultra sound to the board at work and wrote "it's a boy" underneath. When a freshman boy (its always a freshman) exclaimed "your pregnant?!" his girl friend leaned over and whispered "that's why she is so bitchy" and instead of getting mad, I laughed hysterically and told her, "honey, you ain't seen nothin' yet"

Funny Kids

My kids are funny!

Emily was questioning a post Brad put on Facebook. It was about Breast Cancer and she was wondering how women found out if they had cancer. So I was explaining how a doctor feels for lumps and may do an "x-ray". Emily was sort of disgusted and asked, "what kind of doctor does that? A Boobieologist?" Brad and I laughed so hard...
and then Brad said if that was a field of study, he would have tried harder in high school!

Brinley was telling Brad that if he doesn't want to wear ties to work, his boss can't make him.
Brad: "Brin, you have to do what your boss says."
Brin: "tell him you don't want to"
Brad: "my boss is a woman, don't be sexist"
Brin: "Dad, I don't have sexes, I am only 5"

In other news, we bought our first BLUE baby outfit yesterday...
It was wierd...I kept looking at all the pink stuff and had to remind myself to look at blue.
Guess 11+ years of habit is hard to break!

snips and snails...puppy dog tails..

Is this grainy picture not the most beautiful thing you have ever seen!?

Tomorrow I will be 20 weeks!

We are half way there...baby!

For WEEKS now we have been wondering what sort of bean I am carrying.

Is it a girl or a boy?

EVERYONE was guessing boy.

Friends, Emily, students at school,

I was starting to feel a lot of pressure.

On Tuesday, the girls and I had dentist appointments. The hygienists, receptionist and dentist all bet it was a boy.

For the first time in my life, I completely understood how Henry VIII felt...

it's a lot of pressure to produce a male heir...

and I don't even rule a kingdom...

let alone contribute that darn Y chromosome!

We would have been fine either way...

I worried that everyone else would be bummed for us.

and their bummed reaction would make me sad.

(its the oldest child in me...I need to make everyone happy)

Today we had our ultra-sound.

Let me ask, if we can put a man on the moon, bomb countries by satellite, and have cell phones that get access to anything on the Internet...

why haven't we invented an ultra-sound machine that works with an empty bladder!

In other words, they made my drink 5 to 8 cups of water and then expected me to hold it.

and naturally they were behind!

My bladder is only the size of a walnut!

I couldn't even stand up straight for fear I would leak. Honestly, I walked around the hospital sort of bent over!

then my funny boy husband tried to make a joke...I had to squeeze (so as not to pee) while smacking him.

Do not tell me about kegels....I will smack you!

So the tech took four or five pictures and let me pee before we continued...

I loved her.

She took lots of measurements...

and found a "something".

We cried.

A couple minutes later, I asked, " what percentage do you think its a boy"

she said, "97%, but we will look again"

Later, she went to look...

and the umbilical cord was in the way...

AND SHE STARTED TO DOUBT!

So after A LOT of jiggling, bouncing and turning...

she found it!

Now,
someone needs to tell me how to change a baby boys diaper!

(and Erin, please explain to Austin that it is a boy...but not the seven year old playmate he has been dreaming of! No way am I delivering that!!!)

Another Middle of the Night Ramble

I was in bed at 8:30pm
Sound asleep before 9pm
awake at 11:30
still awake at 2:30am

I NEED TO SLEEP!

I have to much on my mind...
hopefully if I list it all here...
my mind will turn off and I can get at least 3 hours of sleep before my alarm goes off.
So in no particular order:

* I have to collect for pennies by the inch (ick)
*we have dentist appts tomorrow (double ick)
*should I just let my class cook tomorrow (oops, today). I have an assignment all ready...but honestly, my life is easier when I just let them cook. But then I will have to go to the store...AGAIN.
*I have sharing time on Sunday, planning how/what to do. I have a hard time planning Junior Sharing time.
*i love fall
*i wonder if KOSY radio station will play Christmas music right after Halloween...HOPE SO! I LOVE IT! It drives Brad crazy, but I think Christmas should start on November 1st, I would totally put up my tree...if Brad would carry it in from the garage. He won't.
* I love pumpkin.
in the last week I have made:
1-Pumpkin Scones with Cinnamon Chips-so yummy and so good with hot chocolate
2-Pumpkin Cupcakes
3-Pumpkin Whoopie Pies-I made these last night after dinner. It was like a homemade oreo, but with out the chocolate...think pumpkin roll in cookie form....they were yummy. Emily (who said she doesn't like pumpkin) ate two.
Did you know that there was a pumpkin shortage last year? I did, but only because:
a) I spend 1/3 of my life in the grocery store and b) I visit a lot of foodie blogs.
It seems Libby could not harvest all of the pumpkins and that created a shortage. A case of Libby Pumpkin just sold on e-bay for almost $60! Wal-mart hasn't had pumpkin in over 9 months...Macy's has some. I am thinking of buying a case or 2 and waiting to see if the pumpkin crisis is over...if not, I am selling on e-bay...and paying for Christmas!

*The biggest news of all: WE ARE HAVING AN ULTRA SOUND ON FRIDAY! WE (HOPEFULLY) WILL KNOW IF WE ARE HAVING A BOY OR GIRL!
all I can say, is this little bean had better cooperate and give us a good look at his/her "parts"..or else I will have to sell pumpkin on e-bay, to pay for the ultra-sound at the mall!

Crisis + Time = Humor

Last week, my friend Natalie from work and I took 3 girls from school to the FCCLA Leadership Conference in Layton. (FCCLA is what FHA was for all of us in high school back in the stone ages. If you have never heard of either...google it)
Oh my word! the advisor classes were so mind numbingly dull!
At one point I was thinking, I won't be able to come next year, because I will have a nursing baby. And then I wished I could start using that excuse NOW to get out of the advisor meetings. It was pure torture....worse...the classes were "taught" by other teachers....I really hope I am not that boring.

The only entertaining event was the keynote speaker on Tuesday night.
I can't remember his name (JP or RJ?), he is from Utah State, and he was so funny!
I almost peed my pants...THREE times!

He was talking to the 200 or so teens (and their advisers) from across the state about being a good leader. One key to being a good leader, is to NOT take your self too serious.

He said that in any situation, we must remember that crisis + time = humor.
He then told several "crisis" moments in his own life, that given enough time makes him laugh.
The audience was laughing right along.

It would be just my luck that I had the chance on Friday to experience my own "crisis".
My classes were making cupcakes, and Macy's was out of cupcake liners. So on my way to school I stopped at Albertson's to get some. I found them and then at the end of the aisle, I found cute Halloween ones and they were cheaper! SCORE! I stuff the first packages on some random shelf....and in the process dropped my cell phone. The battery door popped off and my battery flew under the shelf! Great, So as I am getting on to my hands and knees to see if I can retrieve my battery, I think "I am glad I am not at Wal-mart, there floors are way dirty". Guess what? At close range Albertson's stores are not that clean. My battery is under this tiny, dirt encrusted shelf...I can't reach it! So I dig a pen out of my purse to try and drag it to me...just then a worker comes by and looks at me and says, "uhhhh mam, do you need help" I WANTED TO CRAWL UNDER THE SHELF...DIRT AND ALL. No I squeaked, I am just trying to get my cell battery. the worker watched me for a second and walked away. I got my battery, shoved it in my purse and used self checkout ...so I wouldn't have to talk to anyone, let alone look them in the eye.

I know that on the security camera it shows me...with my fanny in the air...trying to get my darn cell battery. I also have nightmares of the employees rewinding the tape and watching it over and over.

I called Brad, once I had reassembled my phone and told him I was calling in sick and going back to bed.
Do you know what he said?

"Crisis + time = humor"

Butt head...
I will NEVER tell him what I learned at Conference again.

Movement!

I felt my little bean of baby move this weekend.
I thought I had felt it for a few days...but wasn't positive until Saturday.
It is so cool and my favorite part of being pregnant!
(remind me of that in a month or two)

Now everyday, I come home from work, eat a snack and sit still just so I can feel that little stirring...

Now, more than ever, I want to know if we are having a he or she!
I have a doctors appointment on Monday...my last with this Ob
(she is moving)
and Brad and I are going to request (i.e...demand) that she order the 20 week ultrasound
with any luck...we will find out in a week or so...

I have my "cute" text announcement all planned...a version for a girl or boy...

and then...

I can start buying baby stuff!

(and hiding the receipts from Brad)

Please tell me it's a generational thing

About a month ago, President Obama addressed the nations school children. I didn't know it was happening until I got the pre-recorded message from the school district giving me (as a parent) the option to have my children watch it or not.

Last years address, made me realize how completely ignorant we have become as a society.
What ever happened to teaching our children to RESPECT the office of president?
Now, we are so into being politically correct; monitoring everything we see or hear, so that no one is has to think differently.

The most amazing thing is that teachers are given the right to choose to show the address or not. And some at the High School made their politcal position known, by refusing to show it. THESE ARE COLLEGE EDUCATED ADULTS! and they can't listen to a simple 20 minute message! AIMED AT CHILDREN!!!

So the time is drawing near, we are to announce whether we will show it in our classrooms and simple invite those who don't want to listen to go to the commons. So about 8 or 9 kids leave. Then I say, If you can not be respectful, you may leave. That was enough for the freshman boys, and 6 or 7 left. On their way out, one kid in my class yelled, "Canada's borders are open!"

I decided right then and their to give that kid an A....no matter what he does for the rest of the quarter.

So I am getting whitehouse.gov on my projector, when a girl comes in and quietly tells me she is checking out because she CAN'T watch....and then she points to the screen. The twerp won't even say Obama's name! and by golly I wanted her to say Obama's name! But she just kept pointing to the screen and the door, like at any minute, Obama was going to start hypnotizing us! Finally, I said, "just go to the commons with everyone else". she said "no I have to check out for the rest of the day". And I said, "are you ill?" No, I just have to leave. And she looks over my shoulder, so I glance back and see her mom in the hall, giving me the biggest crusty/defiant look....hands on hips....ready to pounce stance....as if to challenge my decision to show the speech. I roll my eyes and let her go.

Another senior boy, left to call his mommy, to see if he was allowed to watch the speech...he never came back....he is already 18...he can vote and be drafted...but mommy said no.

So the speech starts, it was all about staying in school, trying your hardest, and getting involved. I didn't hear or see any socialist agenda; talk of health care, bank bailouts, etc... If I am being perfectly honest, it was less formal than last years address and a tad redundant.

So the speech ends and all of the "peasants" who could not listen come back to class. We do not discuss the speech. We simply start the class, like I would any other day. I think the "peasants" may have been a little dissapointed...they "kept asking what did he say". the kid with the canada remark said, "Guess if you wanted to know, you should have stayed".

(Its hard to be a "peasant"; the more educated and open-minded people never share their knowledge. So their are stuck in a politcally correct world...not having to think or judge for themselves.)

The most maddening thing is that if Mitt Romney had a snowballs chance in Hades to win the last election, and then spoke to the nations school children. Most of Utah's parents would force their children to watch...and take notes...and maybe play conference bingo... and then hump is leg after...

So I realize that all of this starts at home, Monday night Emily brought me her permission slip to watch. She asked if I would just check NO. Because last years speech "was boring"...sorry i said, you were born into the wrong family. and proudly checked YES ( i may have even circled and underlined yes)...so when Brad got home she tried with him....since he is from the other political party...sorry he said, when the President speaks, you listen. Emily rolled her eyes and stomped upstairs, probably wishing she was born into some "peasants" family.

It is my hope, that in 20 or so years, her kids will come and ask her to check no on the permission slip. and she will be able to say, "sorry you were born into the wrong family...in this house...we listen to the President."